Backpacker problems: The time I walked in on my hostel room mate having sex

I feel that enough time has passed now and that I have fully recovered enough to break the silence on this terrible episode.

I will start from the beginning. I had spotted the girl in question at my hostel in Bangkok and I have to admit, I didn’t think we would have much in common, so you can imagine my chagrin when she walked into my hostel in Chiang Mai with a male acquaintance.

I have got to give this guy credit where it’s due, he tried with all his might to keep his eyes on mine and hold the conversation as she proceeded to strip off down to just a thong.

A few hours passes and I walk back into my hostel room at around 10pm to find this girl on the top bunk bed doing the horizontal cha cha with a different male acquaintance. Being the Brit that I am, I apologised to her and said: “I am SO SORRY, I should have knocked,” to which she replies in her Californian accent: “Oh no honey, don’t apologise, we’re all adults here aren’t we?” I basically shout “OF COURSE!” at her and bolt into the bathroom. I am in there for a few minutes trying to decide what to do, I couldn’t spend the whole night in the bathroom, but I really wanted to go to bed and I could hear them still going at it! So I decide to quickly go out and grab my pyjamas and toothbrush etc and do an extra long pre-bed cleanse, tone and moisturise sesh. As I go out she engages me in conversation again! “Aren’t you going out tonight?” she asks. I tell her that I am checking out tomorrow so no and her next words will haunt me for the rest of my life. She said: “Oh… well I hope you’re not a light sleeper.” To which I replied: “Oh no worries I have ear plugs so go for it”, and then, ladies and gentlemen, I say possibly the most British thing I have ever said… “As you were!”

So there I am, lying in bed, eye mask on, earplugs in, trying to fall asleep to the sound of creaking bedframes, when another guy walks in. They engage him in conversation and it takes him a while to notice “Wait… are you guys fucking?” This was confirmed, but this guy wasn’t having any of it, he said “I’ve had a really shitty night and I just really wanted to go to bed, but if you guys are shagging I don’t want to listen to it, so I am just going to sleep outside,” the American girl actually said: “Oh no honey, don’t worry, I am just going to give him a blow job for another 10 minutes.” This, if you ask me, is too much information. He doesn’t accept this and so off he goes to sleep outside. The American girl shows no remorse.

I just thought it was so shitty of them. They should have ceased, firstly when I walked in, and then secondly when it meant someone was going to go and sleep outside.

So, the moral of the story kids, is make sure that earplugs are at the top of your packing list when you are staying in a hostel and stop having sex in the dorm room if someone else is present!

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