Where do I even begin with you? I just want you to know how I really feel about you. The truth is that I never loved you and, in fact, I actually really hate you. With you around I feel like I am in a controlling relationship with no space to breathe and unable to do the things that I want to do. Under your control I cannot be the person who makes me ME.
I don’t want people to die alone because their relatives aren’t allowed to see them, I want our NHS staff to feel safe when they go to work every day, I want our Prime Minister to get better, I want to hug my nanny again, I want to go to the gym, I want to celebrate my friends’ birthdays, I want to go to out and get drunk in the pubs, I want to drink coffee in a cafe, I want to go out whenever I want, I want to crowd around the discounted shelf in Tesco, I want to go out for a drive just because I want to, I want to stand by a front door when I knock on it, I want to go on holiday, I want to shake someone’s hand, I want to walk down to the shop just to get a chocolate bar, I want to apologise to someone when they accidentally tread on my foot, I want to wash my hands for 10 seconds rather than 20, I actually want to see that colleague’s face who makes my blood boil, I want to go shopping for summer clothes, I want to pass someone in the street and not have to cross the road, I want to sit in a park for no other reason than to just relax, I want to stand uncomfortably close to someone on the London Underground again, I want to talk to someone who isn’t my mum, dad, flatmate or dog, I want my life back!
And whilst you’re around, I cannot do any of these things.
You dominate news and conversations every day and I am actually starting to miss talking about Brexit! Unbelievable!
I know I am British and am supposed to be overly polite, but if you could please do us all a favour and piss off then that would be so helpful and absolutely wonderful. I don’t want to see your face around here again.